Ho ho ho! Kids, have we got a treat for you! Just in time for XXXmas: Here are some HOLY holiday treats you and your heterosexual monogamous marital partner won’t want to miss!

For all of your fundie fetish needs you can visit [1] The Christian Fetish Site. Just to whet your sleigh bells how’s about a quickie: [1] The Christian Fetish Site has you peeing like a virgin, decking your anal halls, nursing your partner while you role-play your own nativity scene (be sure to relactate!), enjoying porn and sadomasochism the way God intended, and much much more. Don’t you worry your pious little hearts - there’s no homosexuality here! Just good ol’ fashioned hetero humpin!

Next on our list for you ho-ho-horny holy-rollers this XXXmas is [3] The Christian Nymphos. This blog helps you transform yourself from homely housewife to salacious sex machine, to the honor and glory of Christ (of course). [3] The Christian Nymphos takes their cues from the sexy Song of Solomon, a book in which the main character deflowers his lover, comments on her hot sister, then leaves her. Nothin’ like a little abandonment to steam up that marriage bed this winter!

Feel like your sizzle might fizzle this XXXmas without a little help? Say no more! Get all the tools you need to be Santa’s Little Helper at [5] The Christian Sex Toy Shop.

If the manger’s a rockin’, you know what to do.